Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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