We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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