at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
