I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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