plz talk dirty to me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
