I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
