Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
