Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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