You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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