u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
