how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
