You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
