How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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