just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
