im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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