By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
