Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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