never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Threesome in a minivan. New low
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
