my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
