And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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