What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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