she was so not down for the gang bang
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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