Im at strip club and am horny
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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