Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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