Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
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Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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