We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
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