Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
