Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
