Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
