Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
