i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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