Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
