Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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