Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
