wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
