I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
