i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
