I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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