Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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