Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
