god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
