You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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