Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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