I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
