i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
