if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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