i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
