Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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