I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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