Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
