having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
