He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
