hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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