Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
