i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
