We're facebook friends in real life
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
