If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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