good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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