Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
