We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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