His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
