she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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