Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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