i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
