i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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