I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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