he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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