dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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