I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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