I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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