apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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