Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
