imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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