toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I believe in your delicious
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
