1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
